How to get rid of a Mary Sue
by LikeIdTellU
Summary: How to rid yourself of a Sue in five easy steps by Legolas Greenleaf. A sequel of sorts to 'Oh dear a Mary Sue is here'.


**Title: How to rid yourself of a Sue**

**Summery: How to rid yourself of a Sue in five easy steps by Legolas Greenleaf. A sequel of sorts to 'Oh dear a Mary Sue is here'.**

**Warning: Ridiculousness ahead**

Are you sick of those annoying horny teenage girls falling from the sky and landing in you lap? Have you had enough of marriage propositions by girls three thousand years younger then you? If so then this is the book for you. Written by Middle Earths most Mary sue plagued bachelor, this hilarious edition will ensure your safety and sanity for generations to come.

But before you begin your Sue hunting you need to be able to recognise the three types of Mary Sues.

**The Princess Royale- **This Sue is a nasty, whiny, perfect and needy little bugger that somehow shows up in Orc dens and/or a captive of Mordor. She is usually somehow related to Elrond, Galadriel and Celeborn. She is extraordinarily gorgeous and outshines even the radiant Evenstar [even though the two look quite similar]. Her vocabulary consists of 'OMG', 'yeah', 'Legolas will you marry me?' and 'I will take the ring to Mordor'. This Sue is portrayed as innocent, pure and generally all that is good in the world. Her name may be five words or longer and consists of a mix match of genuine characters names or ordinary names with an added consonant. She is usually a very powerful sorceress [Burn the witch!].

**Elf Warrior- **This Sue is just as unnaturally perfect and beautiful as the 'Princess Royale' with the added bonus that she is unnaturally good at fighting while having no previous experience at killing orcs whatsoever. Their names tend to be dark and mysterious, ranging from 'Raven', 'Rose, 'Ray' and so on so forth. These names tend to be very close to the name of whoever created the Sue. How odd. This Sue is also portrayed as the embodiment of all that is good, kind and tragic, somehow turning up in Bree to rescue Frodo from nearly anything. This Sue always happens to be the one to chuck the ring in Mt Doom instead of poor Frodo who is pushed out of the Limelight. She also seems to have more powerful magic then Elrond and Galadriel combined.

**Tragic teen- **This one is very similar to her predecessors in the way that she is good, kind, pure, gorgeous and the list goes on. The difference here is that the Tragic Teen comes from the mysterious 'Earth' and has spent most of her life before falling into Middle Earth being abused/ignored/raped/poor/dumb/blind/mute/bullied/ignored and orphaned. Somehow she still retains her innocence and purity [don't ask me how]. This Sue usually falls from the sky into the laps of Elves and/or future Kings and people of power.

Here are five easy steps to help you live a healthy Sue free life.

**Step one: **Find Glorfindel and dump the Sue on him, telling the Mary Sue that he is the Elf/King/person of power then sit back and watch the fun. This method usually results in blood splattered walls and dismembered limbs strewn around Rivendell [Note: It is neither you nor Glorfindel that becomes a coat of paint].

**Step two: **Dig a ditch around your room/home/palace, fill it with orcs and other man eating beasties and cover with a thin piece of wood. Stay there until you hear the crunch of a Sue breaking through the wood. Note: wear ear plugs or risk deafness premature or otherwise.

**Step three: **Ignore all shrieks of help coming from the bowels of orc dens, no matter how much they sound like Arwen. Remember Arwen would have had the good sense to travel with an escort and learn how to fight. This step also requires ear plugs and the absence of any sentimental and heroic rangers [Aragorn].

**Step four: **Buy the all new Sue-be-gone-pants [only $9 a pair]. These babies come installed with lasers, spears and fiery things to ward off any Sue's that magically fall from the sky and into your lap. Warning: Results in miner burns to your person but believe me it's worth it.

**Step five: **If all the steps above fail then use poison. It may not be the most flashiest way to kill a Sue but it is effective. Very effective.

So that is it, the five easiest ways to kill a Mary Sue! Happy hunting and may you finally have a good nights sleep free of Mary Sue related nightmares.

**The end**

**This is something different from my usual writing style but I enjoyed writing it nonetheless. I hope you all enjoyed reading it to.**


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